the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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