I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
