Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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