im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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