I think i peed on brittanys purse
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
