I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
