Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
