I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
You ate ashes out of my bong
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
