a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
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You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
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It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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