tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just invented taco cereal.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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