I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
