Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Randomize
