That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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