and you said cock pushups were impossible
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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