Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
