I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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