I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
