"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
