hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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