I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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