I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
