My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
