I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Who put my cat in the fridge?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
