I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
