listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
