I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Randomize
