guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
