i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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