you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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