Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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