You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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