Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Randomize