the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
