Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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