Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
