Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
That accounts for only three of the penises
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
