I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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