i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
The Olympian is in my bed
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