is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
