You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
