TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
