One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
