I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
