he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
