your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
