Taylor Swift is so right about you.
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
