ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I will pee on everything he values.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
