I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
