we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
