you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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