can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
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Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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