You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
