my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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