Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
