I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
