he told me I talked like a deaf person
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
