I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
