it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
