I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
