Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Randomize
