I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize
