I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
